Hurt
by deecie
Summary: Takes place after the incident at Truncheon Books...What would you do if you had the chance to go back and do it all over again? Literati.


I don't own Gilmore Girls..and this is my first GG fic. So I hope it doesn't completely suck. Yeah, it takes place after the fiasco and Truncheon Books… Literati

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She couldn't believe what was happening. After so many years, she was here with Jess Mariano. She was flirting with Jess Mariano. She was about to kiss Jess Mariano… she just pulled away from Jess Mariano, and felt a volcano of guilt building inside of her.

"I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me…", she trailed off, looking up at Jess hesitantly, anger suddenly taking over his features.

"Who? That blonde dick at Yale?", he asked urging her to look him in the face, and when she didn't, he knew the answer. " I thought everything was fixed Rory!"

"It is! But not him! Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it…I love him".

"Love, huh?"

"Yeah…", she bit her bottom lip, feeling the Mt. Guilty inside of her erupt, making her feel nauseous.

"I don't deserve this Rory!" , she winced as he rose his voice. 

He was right. He had grown up, matured, become a better person. He didn't deserve what she did at all.

What had happened to her? When did she become this kind of girl? The one she always hated?

The guilt was starting to become to much, and she couldn't help it. She got up and ran.

Rory felt hot tears burning behind her eyes as she got into her car, and felt them fall as soon as she pulled out of the street. Several hours later, she found herself back at home. She looked in her rearview mirror and wiped her tears.

She slowly waited as the elevator brought her up to Logan's apartment. She noticed how easily it was to regard the apartment as his, never theirs. If she had an apartment with Jess, she thought, it would be very simple to regard it as theirs rather than his. She sighed, and felt the guilt weigh down on her shoulders.

She walked into the apartment and was surprised to find him sitting at the dining room table, nursing a drink, and she froze.

"Hi…," she trailed off, lowering her eyes. When did she start doing that so much? When she was with Jess she could always look him in the eye and talk or confront. She sighed at the thought of him.

"Where've you been, Ace?" Logan looked up from his glass.

She shrugged. "I don't know, around", and when he looked unconvinced she added, "I just needed some space, okay?"

"Fine, whatever", he rolled his eyes and took a gulp.

"What're you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be off with Colin and Finn?"

"I was, I wanted to surprise you?" 

"For what?"

He looked exasperated and tired. Jess never got tired of her, and she sighed again and fought back tears with the guilt that she felt now. "Oh", she whispered, "Okay".

"Hey Ace, what's wrong?", he asked getting up slowly.

Fresh tears streamed down her face, and she felt like she was about to vomit. She covered her mouth as sobs racked her body and she collapsed.

"No-nothing", she said through gasps. How could she have done this to him? At the time, she had almost felt justified. She almost felt like he deserved what he got because he hurt her all those years ago. _This guilt isn't worth it_ she thought. _It isn't_ as Logan comforted her.

Logan. The man she supposedly "loved". She would truly love Logan the day hell froze over, and as these thoughts entered her mind, Rory sobbed even harder.

"Should I call your mom?" , Logan asked. He didn't even know when to call her mother. Jess would.

"N-no", she murmered, "Let GO of me!", she shrieked as he tried to help her up, and he backed away.

"I'm s-sorry", she hiccupped, "I just need some t-time alone", and with that she walked to fridge got a carton of Ben& Jerry's went to their room, changed into her pajamas and ate.

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Several weeks had passed since the Jess fiasco, and Rory put the guilt in the back of her mind. She and Logan were as on track as they ever would be, and she was currently looking for change to pay for her coffee.

"Ugh, I swear, give me a minute", she urged the man who looked at her impatiently, "I swear, Rick!" After three years at Yale, she knew her coffee servers, and well too. She found the change and paid for the coffee, flashing a smile at the man at the cart. She inhaled the scent before drinking the scalding liquid, and thought of Jess and his coffee colored eyes, and her favorite drink almost turned sour.

_Don't think about him_, she told herself, _It's karma baby, what goes around comes around, _something she had been trying to convince herself since the incident.

She sat down at a bench drinking her coffee when her phone range.

"Hello?", she answered.

"You didn't answer how I taught you, fruit of my loins!", a chipper voice met her.

"Oh, I'm sorry…Hello, Rory Gilmore, head whore of Gilmore's House of Whores, how may I help you?"

"There we go! So, I just had to tell you about my Jimmy Choo fiasco this morning at-"

Rory saw Logan coming, and suddenly felt the need to cut her conversation short.

"Um, Mom, I've got to be at the paper, can I call you back after that?"

"Rorryy!", she could hear her mom pouting.

"I swear I will! And I want full details of your Jimmy Choo fiasco then!"

"Deal! Talk to you later babe!"

"Hey Ace", Logan approached her.

"Is that Logan in the background? Use protection!", Lorelei yelped.

"Mom!"

"Later babe!", and Rory was met with silence. "Figures", she muttered. Then turned to Logan and flashed him a smile that didn't reach her eyes, when her phone suddenly rang again. She made a face and went back into her bag to pick it up, as he just smiled at her.

"Acee", he groaned, as he tried to pull her in for a kiss.

"It could be important!", she said, pulling away and opening her phone.

"Hello?"

"Rory..?" , and the sound of the voice, Rory stopped fooling around with Logan.

'Luke..what's up?", she said slightly worried. Luke never called her.

"Rory it's Jess, I figured you might want to know…" he sounded tired, she noticed.

"What's going on, Luke?" the worry starting to build inside of her.

"Rory…Jess was in an accident. It doesn't look good…actually, it looks pretty bad, and his friends were saying he wanted to see you again and…" but Rory didn't hear the and. Everything after "Jess was in an accident" pretty much faded away.


End file.
